There are always boys around. Every night, a new one, To feed from. They always stay over, fully clothed.
They smoke the night away, in dusty hallways and empty skulls. We pour our hearts out onto the floor. Blood everywhere we love the mess we stare. I have to live alone, i cannot be judged anymore. i am addicted to lying to myself addicted to being surrounded by liars addicted to falseness, to a sense of purpose that i know doesn’t exist.
He flips me over running his tongue down my crooked spine. and neither of us are alive. but like a light flickering inside the VAM we are connected through the constellations
and he reads my mind aloud, like a manuscript. i can feel his voice inside my head, pricking at old discomforts, delusional. There are little sparks i can remember. Neurons that used to be explosions, are now little fuzzy, barely audible buzzes.
The butterflies are corpses. The lights are flickering, low. The wick is burning way way down. The newness is lost. The innocence has plummeted, into the gutters.
And i lay above it all, on the streets, letting the rain wash the flesh from my bones, still feeling nothing at all.
Updated: Dec 10, 2020
Today, I swallowed the sun and commanded the wind
As the sun made slow passionate warm love to my every pore, I felt it enter me
I wasn’t aware of how the horrors of being black in America had dimmed by inner light
I wasn’t aware of how angry
I had become
But when the sun gently licked me from head to toe
When the sun went soo deep I had to moan
I was reminded of the pleasure I could feel
And what the sun left inside of me at the height of its shine was no fleeting emptiness of euphoria lost
It was the strength to carry on
So I let my breath become the wind
And with a moan deeper than the hidden crevices of mother nature’s womb
I exhaled the pain
That the white man’s world injected deep into my veins
I never saw the syringe coming
But it penetrated me
There was no consent
My passport is the drink he bought me
My citizenship is the lifestyle he finances
How treacherous is the devil that he made his way onto the welcome committee of life, shaking hands with each of us
Buying our silence
Scheming us out of our freedom
But the sun taught me how to surrender myself to love again
How to ride the sensual waves of a love so deep that goose-flesh comes to deck to witness the smooth miracle of turbulence
The white man may have mastered fire as he burned down my country and yours
But I guarantee you that the light now filling me carries heat that even fire cannot fathom
I swallowed the sun and commanded the wind.
Copyright reserved to the limitless project & Mikael Owunna
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